Back to work yes professional work

Yes finally I joined back to office on 1st July 2019, after a break of 15 months. Oh that's so looong time. I had an anxiety before going on leave itself, how will I spend a break of an year at home without any fixed schedule, daily routine or deadlines to meet. My inhibitions were right frankly speaking it was little boring to be at home though my little darling baby kept me over occupied all the time, I didn't have time even to sleep sit back and relax as most of the months I had to spend managing things alone thanks to the official business trips of my busy Mr Director husband. Thankfully other three months I spend at my home (oh excuse me ! my mother's home as they say after marriage that is no longer my home), spend some precious time with Papa, some fights again with mummy (oh ! I will never ever learn to manage household things as per my mother's standard;) ) and overwhelming love care, affection of Nana, Nani, chote nana nani with expert care and love of nanu for my little angel. It was a very relaxing time to stay in my native village far from hustle and bustle of daily life. Used to get a chance to see the sunrise (after a daily lesson to get up early ;) ) and sunset at own sweet pace along with the pious widespread moonlight scattered over the roof, banyan tree, mango tress and the pond. Actually it that was also my training period on how to handle an infant do's and dont's which none else can teach better than my parents.

But if I look back at the other aspects I could see how a working and ambitious women might feel if they quit the job just to raise the kids and look after the family. Trust me its not easy at all. Since childhood we dream to become something try our best for that and finally get something depending upon what we deserve.

Baby come soon

“Your baby is happily enjoying inside and not ready to come out” , that’s what doctor said today. As 39 weeks and 4 days are already over and according to doctor there is no symptom of labor
 yet. I am little bit worried, as doc asked to get admitted on 27th and she will induce labor. A little scar pain a lot for me and now this is about inducing something which is not there naturally. Ultimately I want your well being and this is first time in my life when I am waiting for the terrible pain to start for you to come out hale and hearty. Let’s see how time unfolds but one thing is for sure I can’t wait to see a healthy baby in my lap , come soon.

Nearing the due date

Very soon I will enter in the last month of pregnancy. To my surprise I am filled up with mixed emotions. Definitely some anxiety is there to take a break from work and how will I be at home, as some how I am not comfortable with sitting at home without doing any intellectual work. Apart from that every moment I am excited to see you , see your face, feel your tiny palms , touch your small legs but I also have a feeling that after you take birth our bodies will be separated.  You are with me consistently since last 8 months and you are making your presence felt in many different ways , that only two of us can feel.  No matter what I really enjoyed nurturing you within myself and look forward to nurture you in all dimensions of life further. Lots of love my baby, looking forward to meet you . <3 <3

Journey of motherhood

While carrying you inside me, I might have to face lots of challenges, being a working mother, starting from arranging nutritious food not only for me but for you as well, struggling the deadline to reach office on time in the horrible Bangalore traffic  and then sitting in office for 8.5 hours and fulfil my responsibilities as an employee apart from morning sickness, tiredness and nausea. I thank you for choosing me your mother and make me feel complete as a women. I still think sometimes, till you are in my womb all your wishes are nothing but my mine I am carrying you with me in office, making you learn virtually data analytics and machine learning. I carry you with me to movie, shopping, ice cream anywhere and you like an obedient child come with me without adding your preferences. But as you grow and come to this world you will have your choice, willingness and preferences. That juncture will be interesting, I need to adjust for you, for your convenience, for your ease, and I am willing to do that. But yes I have earned an identity of myself, I am known not only coz of I am someone's wife or daughter but also because I am somebody, may be very small in this universe but still I have an identity. I would love to enhance my identity as myself and grow in a direction to nurture my identity as well while nurturing you. Things will be clear as the time unfolds , yes waiting for that too :)  

From the womb

Pregnancy, no doubt a wonderful experience. The excitement starts from getting confirmation and gets elevated by each passing days. Though everything comes with its own side effects so as being a mother. With lots of sleepless nights, weeks with too much of vomiting and almost without food, coz whatever I eat, I used to vomit. Not only food sometimes water or even some aroma was enough to trigger a gush inside my stomach. May be the new life was finding it difficult to adjust inside me and he was not happy with coming anything near his neighbourhood.  In-spite of all those sickness, when I first saw you during my scan in the 8th week , it gave me a goose bumps. You are visible only as a tiny spot and your heartbeat as explained by doctor was like a running horse. Oh I came back home thinking only about that Yolk sac and was really amazed by nature's way of developing a human being. To my surprise it was like God's magic to send some-one inside me. First trimester kept on passing with too much of morning sickness, struggle to come to work and arrange nutritious food. Food was an enemy now, but had to find a way coz its all about my child, he should get some nourishment.
Slowly I started to wait for your movement inside me, 4th month passed in this wait, vomiting was reduced  to a good extent, and I was able to go to office and do my daily job. Weekends were reduced to be at home most of the time unlike earlier and stuck to TV. Suddenly on the sunday evening when your dad went outside for his daily darshan to the temple, I felt like some ant crawled in my lower abdomen. Was it my doubt or really an ant was crawling, no nothing was there it was you making your presence felt. I was thrilled, touched my belly to feel you and again waited for you to say hello.
Slowly time is passing, got a great help from your dada and dadi during 5-7th month. Now your presence is felt more often and it is more exciting to touch my belly to feel you. Nurturing someone inside you is really a great feeling.  Actually you are not separate from me, you are my part only and always be.  Perhaps this is a selfless a mother has, they start loving their child before they could see them, meet them or listen to them. A true blind love, without any expectation in return.
Waiting for my next appointment for scan, to see you again and an inherent wait is also there for you to physically come into my life , in my arms, in my lap. But please wait till your Nani comes, as I need my mental support from my mother too before I go to labour and bring you in my world.  :) 

An year of being non Mumbaikar

OOps I could have said it the other way around, "an year in Bangalore" that was not less wonderful tenure, starting another life with my life partner and understanding him day by day, exploring new places, spending vacations, holidays and festivals together.
Alas but everyday I missed you Mumbai 

Interviews are not good experience ;)

Oh one again a call for interview from a prestigious organization where I always wanted to be, getting shortlisted for interview itself makes me so satisfied that I start feeling that I have already been selected and start blowing my triumph I got a call I got a call ...
This interview was after many years at least after 4-5 years, but I am feeling nothing has changed during the course of time I still feel lost and very angry at me that I couldn't answer simplest questions that a just fresh graduate could have answered. Does it mean I don't have knowledge or I didn't give it enough time, One thing is true this time I didn't had much time to dedicate to study about the interview as I was shifting and getting transferred to new office in a new city and fortunately the interview date also clashed in between the same. So my first challenge was to pone all the things and make sure that I can attend the interview for rest of the things I was sure I will be able boost whatever I did during these years at my work.
Finally I could reschedule all my plans and made to to reach for the interview. They asked us to report at 9 and all the 10 candidates out of whom only one was supposed to be selected was there on time. After a lot of paper work and official formalities they started at 10.30 I was the third candidate in the list and thought I will finish before after noon but they way they were grilling each candidate for around an hour I came to know I can't start before lunch time. I browsed some concepts on laptop until it got discharged and I was not carrying it's charger as well. So I had no other options but to doze for some time and then my fav friends whats app . Its lunch time one gentle man announced. Yes I was waitting for this as I didnt have my breakfast in hurry I just came out of the building and found excellent restaurants on both the side of the streets. Finally settled in one and realized next is mine so better I finish fast and reach back.
Surabhi Dwivedi next is you. Finally !! I went in with very confidence I was not at all nervous or afraid neither hungry I had my presentation ready which they were asked to take I started speaking about my work presenting each slide one by one in front of panel of 5 dignitaries including the chairman himself. For a moment it made me laugh when I saw the chairman dozing and almost closing his eyes I resisted myself and a thought triggered in the back of my mind I am presenting so boring contents but at the same time I was getting prepared to see other panel member writing something while I was saying some sentence. Finally the chairman was so bored that he said your time is up please finish your presentation fast. Generally I finish my presentations on time or before time as I am not a very garrulous person but I think I am good speaker and I communicate well whatever was the reason, I was asked to be seated.
Now it was time for grilling for the next half an hour the first gentleman started who was external expert as I gave little gyaan ability moving their data center to cloud and how it can be scalable and will help in data analytic, he denied what all I said by saying
I1- What are the property of cloud
I said elasticity, scalability and pay per use he said do you think it will be beneficial in this scenario, suppose if we go with you and implement your suggestion and go with cloud which cloud will you suggest I said Private cloud, I1 then you will end up paying more in that case our data center will be lesser costly reliable and cheaper I tried to interrupt but felt other members were more interested in talking and listening to him and I couldn't convince.
I1 was ready with another basic question tell me the simple thing what is the difference between a file and folder in linux me : you can have many files or folder within a folder but not in file but he wanted something else and kept revolving around then he got frustrated by my answers :D , then he asked about daemon process again I answered some unconvincing way ... After some other basic questions by others like how do you define a software architecture they wanted a exact definition and I was producing a practical answer the way we design, ultimately I dont remember what I read in software engineering . Half an hour was already past and I could sense they were not ready to let me go without me answered or convinced them now the last panelist started who seem to be a graphics expert he asked about what kind of displays are available 2D graphics etc I answered everything from my vague memory again in an unconvincing way ultimately he had to ask which book did you follow in your college time for graphics oh I don't remember I said but actually I remember it was a Pragati Prakashan book for UPTU students for a course of half credit i.e 50 marks  Oh gosh they grilled me for almost 50 mins and in the last started asking why do you want to join us, you are already in a good position and getting to work which you might not get here that answer I convincingly gave to them and finally they said good bye with a smile. Gosh let me rush back ...